Bring on the sun!

Now that the weather is finally getting nicer I'm so ready for summer. I started going through my summer clothes getting out carpi's and sandals! Now I just have to do something about my feet, they need major help to be summer ready. My mom had a spa party over the weekend and I picked up some great smelling salt scrub and some hand and foot lotion, pretty feet are just around the corner. I've also started using my subtle tanning lotion, hey it beats being pasty white, but I am defiantly looking forward to getting a real tan at the beach next month. Not sure if we will go to deep into the water though, that great white attack the just happened was at a beach only a few miles from the beaches we go to when we are out in CA, scary.

Stepping Back

I had to take a step back today and really evaluate my life. Let me first explain why.

I woke up this morning cup of coffee in hand, sat down at my computer ready to download the pictures off my camera. I try to do this on a regular basis so that it never becomes an overwhelming task and like other areas of my life stays organized.

Imagine my surprise when I sign on to my log in and find I no longer exist. My pictures are gone, my calender is blank, my i tunes library empty.

Freaking out is putting it mildly, I think several four letter words came out of my mouth for which I was thankful my children were not in the room.

My whole day became consumed with solving this problem, how could this happen? If I am able to fix this could it happen again? What if I am not able to fix this?

I pondered these questions and then had the thought what if I never had pictures saved on the computer, never had an ipod, kept my calender on the wall in my office. I would never have had a reason to be so upset. Maybe I should not allow technology to run my life, maybe some things are better off the old fashion way. Or at least maybe my dumb ass will get virus protection that actually works, and save things to discs for back up. I decided to go with the latter.

Frustrated

My life and time is not my own. Every time I try to sit and let the overflowing thoughts from my head be released on to the paper ( or in this case the computer screen) I'm always interrupted by something maybe it's the dog getting into something she's not supposed to, or maybe the phone rings, or most often the culprit is Brenden my 3 year old. In this day of electronics we constantly depend on cell phones, and ipods, nav systems and game boys, with out them we are naked, we are lost. Go back 20 years, I did not have any of these. When I left to go somewhere I used the phone attached to the wall to inform my parents I had arrived safely. If we needed directions we again used the phone attached to the wall to call where we were going and get directions which we hand wrote on paper (not printed from map quest) we listened to the radio and tapes. I remember being excited to get my first boom box which played the new latest greatest thing called CD's. It's amazing how only a few years later all of those things are obsolete. Don't get me wrong I enjoy the conveniences of having a cell phone I love listening to my ipod especially when cleaning however I don't think that this next generation has a clue how to get through the day with out all the fancy electronic gadgets and sadly my children are becoming part of this norm. When I tell Caden to go play in his room it's not long before he comes out asking to play video games or on the computer because he's bored, now Brenden wants to play on the computer all the time. Where would we be with out all this technology? Maybe life would not be as easy but I think society as a whole would be thinner and smarter from actually having to use it's brain. Ok enough venting for one day. Good night.

Waiting for spring to well... spring!

Isn't it funny how the weather can effect our mood. When it's sunny and bright our mood seems more cheerful, when it's gloomy and gray we just seem more down. Well today it was both sunny and bright and gloomy and gray so my mood seemed to go up and down as if it were on a roller coaster at an amusement park.

These teaser days of 70 degrees and sunshine have me longing for full on spring, bring on the carpi's and flip flops.

I think I'm ready for spring and summer more this year then ever before. If things go as planned ( which they may or may not) we will get pregnant with our third and final baby this fall which means that this summer will be my last for a few years to enjoy no diapers and kids that are mostly self sufficient. The thought of traveling or just finding a baby sitter when you have 2 kids is okay but throwing that new baby in to the mix is really going to shake things up.

I will admit that the older my boys get the harder I have to talk myself into having another baby, yet I'm not ready to say that my child bearing days are over because that seems so final and makes me feel so old. I know that turning 30 is nothing more then another birthday out of what I hope will be several more so really I don't need to make a big deal out of it yet something about turning 30 makes me feel like my youth will be gone forever.

I'm not ready to be middle aged and I'm defiantly not ready for my children to be on the down side to turning 18 and I know I still have a few years before that happens but these last few years have gone by so fast that it's inevitable that the next will as well.

So today I pray that GOD gives me the wisdom and ability to age gracefully and enjoy what I have left of my youth without being immature. To be the best mother and wife that I can be while still enjoying my independence and freedom. I am a mother , I am a wife but that's not all that I am and I want to embrace every part of my life as if it were a piece of pie that when they are all put together makes the pie whole and damn it's good!